I've Been Broken
by muggleborn.dragon.ryder
Summary: After the events of Continental Drift, Diego can't seem to focus on anything. Being around another saber has made a big difference in his life...both in good and bad ways. He can't seem to forget the life he left behind when he chose the herd over his pack...and now others are starting to notice his conflicting emotions, too.
1. Saying 'I Love You'

**A/N: I meant NOT to start a new story! I swear...! But I just watched Ice Age 4 and it was so good it gave me some ideas! Diego's always been my favorite character and seeing him get a love interest was really good! So I decided to write a small fanfic about it, along with some backstory I've given him.**

**The entire thing is probably gonna be from Diego's POV - the first chapter is in it, too - but I might possibly change it later on, if there's a scene Diego's not in, but a scene I want in there.**

* * *

Sabers don't say 'I love you'.

We say, 'I tolerate you so much, I'll let you live'.

Same with Shira and me.

Yeah…Shira and I. There's no 'us'. There's no 'we'. I can't explain to her what she means to me.

And I'm happy with the fact that there's no 'us'.

Being her friend is enough…for now, anyway.

I was cool with the obvious distance and the avoidance of saying those three little words.

But one day, I noticed Manny and Ellie saying it to each other _all the freaking time._

Was it just something couples did? I wondered, but I never actually got an answer to that question, because I was never going to ask it.

Manny would give that irritating little smirk of his.

I still remember a couple weeks ago, when he and Sid were singing spiritedly, "Diego and Shira, sitting in a tree…"

Yeah. Nice guys.

And obviously the picture of maturity.

Anyway, while I toggled between uncertainties about my friendship with Shira, I actually wasn't sure WHAT we were.

If couples did what Manny and Ellie did – get all gooey-eyed and say really softly, "I love you" – then Shira and I were NOT a couple.

We weren't really…anything.

Ok, we're getting off the subject.

I'd never once been told I was loved before. By anyone.

Well… never mind.

Sabers just didn't DO that. Okay, maybe Sid said that to me, once or twice, overcome by the moment, but that was SID.

And sometimes, in the darkness of the night, Ellie would whisper, "Love you, Manny. Love you, Crash, Eddie. Love you, Peaches. Love you, Sid. Love you, Louis. Love you Die—

"Don't," I'd snarl at her, because, like I said before, sabers don't do that kind of thing.

They don't allow themselves to get all emotional like that. They don't allow themselves to be weak.

Ellie would sigh and sometimes even add, "Love you, Shira."

Everyone except Shira and I would chorus back, "Love you, too, Ellie."

Shira never said it back, either. But she let Ellie finish her sentence, at least.

But what was I supposed to say to her? "I love you like Sid loves being an idiot"?

Oh, yeah. That'd go over like a ton of bricks. So scratch that.

Maybe I could say it with a hint of sarcasm, and she'd get that I meant it sincerely.

Wait – why was I worrying about this?

We'd barely known each other two months! If I wasn't careful, I was gonna end up looking like some creepy stalker saber.

But…I couldn't help it. The truth was the truth, and the truth was she distracted me throughout EVERYTHING.

If I was hunting and she came along, it'd cause me to lose what could have been a pretty decent kill.

Either it was her or the effect of being in a herd and not having hunted for a very long time.

I ate smaller, slower stuff nowadays, like rabbits or possums, but those had been ruled out after Crash and Eddie had joined the herd.

But losing a kill was worth every second I was with her, of course.

So why couldn't I say those three little words to her?

Why?

Oh, that's right. I know. Because I HAD said them. Once before. And I HAD been told them. Once before.

I'd been told it by someone other than Sid this time…someone who I'd said it back to.

I closed my golden tiger-eyes against the pain. Because they hadn't meant it. The one person who had told me they loved me hadn't meant it at all.


	2. A Day With Shira

**A/N: Last chapter for tonight! :-)**

* * *

"Hey, Manny," I said. "Can I talk to you?"

"Sure," Manny said. "Shoot?"

I looked pointedly at Ellie. "Uh, alone?"

Manny would know what to tell me, but Ellie…well, she wouldn't laugh, which Manny might, but with him, I didn't risk that concern in his small eyes that said he knew something deeper than what I wanted him to.

That's the way Ellie looked at me sometimes.

If she ever tries talking to me about it, I'm skipping whole continents.

Anyway, Manny nodded. "Sure." He led me away from his wife and we walked alone in the woods for awhile.

"So, I'm guessing you want to talk about a certain tigress?" Manny asked, lifting an eyebrow.

I sighed, defeated; under my fur, I could feel my face getting warm. "Is it that obvious?"

"Oh, are you kidding me?" Manny asked, clearly eager to seize upon the subject.

"Manny," I cut across him and he shut up.

"Right. What about her?"  
"You and Ellie tell each other you love each other all the time, right?" I blurted before I lost my courage.

Manny blinked. "Uh, yeah. That's what two people who are in love with each other do."

There was a silence.

"But I'm guessing sabers don't do that?"

I snorted. "Yeah, Manny. We get all cuddly like that ALL the time."

"Hey, you don't have to act like that with me, because in case you haven't noticed, I'm TRYING to help you."

I flushed again. Shame, embarrassment – such human emotions. "Fine," I grunted. "What's your brilliant advice?"

"You haven't explained the problem."

"Sabers don't say I love you!"

"Oh, come on. Mammoths rarely do, too and Ellie and I are ok with it."

"That's YOU guys," I pointed out.

Manny rolled his eyes. "Okay, Diego. What's the big problem with sabers not saying I love you?"

I sighed again; he had me in a corner. "How do I explain to Shira how I feel?"

"Doesn't she know?"

"No! We never settled any of that, Manny," I snapped.

"So just tell her."

I stared at him for a second and said quietly, "If I say I love you, will she say it back?"

Then I started running and heard Manny faintly calling after me.

I streaked past Ellie, who stared and said, "Diego?"

Past Crash, Eddie and Sid who were undoubtedly doing something stupid, past other animals until I was out in the wild, where I belonged.

Roaring like I meant it. Sweat trickling into my eyes, blurring my vision slightly, streaking my orange coat damp.

My strong, powerful legs stretched in full sprint, my throat ripped raw from the roar, my long white teeth glinting in the sun.

Suddenly, another body bumped shoulders with me.

I looked over and saw a white coat with faint black patches, gleaming white teeth like mine and a proud, haughty look in those icy blue eyes.

I went sprawling. Tripped over a stone! I chastised myself angrily, getting up.

Shira's gonna love you now.

Ugh. There was that 'L' word again!

Shira snickered. "Smooth move, Diego," she said and slowed her pace until I found mine again.

"Hey, what's wrong?" she asked, stopping. "You look pretty pissed."

I shook my head. "Nothing."

Shira was the type to let it go, so she shrugged it off and we ran alongside each other, forcing me to pay careful attention to make sure I didn't trip again.

She ran along, easily outstripping me. "The old saber isn't what he used to be, huh?"

I'm sorry to say that here my heart officially became a traitor and did a little jig.

I called back, "I could beat you in a three-mile race!" For sabers, three miles takes about one minute.

I sped up.

I did get much faster; I'd been walking at what I considered to be a leisurely pace.

I kept up with her, so she put on some speed.

I lagged behind, letting her take the lead.

Then I threw myself high in the air, tackling her and pinning her to the ground. "Fast enough. You could go faster."

She shoved me off her with more ease than was natural for me.

I scrambled to a standing position, trying to keep a shred of dignity.

She smiled, as if reading my thoughts. "Don't worry, Diego. Maybe being around another of your own kind will get those feline juices flowing again SOMEDAY." She emphasized the last word and grinned.

I rolled my eyes. "Clever. For a girl."

We walked back to the rest of the herd, joking and laughing.

We eventually began a game of predator and prey; I'm sorry to say that she made a better predator.

Anyway, once we got tired of that, we just watched the sun set and didn't speak.

As the sky began flashing red and gold and pink, a voice in my head squeaked, _This is your chance, Diego! You can really tell her how you feel now!_

What if she leaves me? I stubbornly clung onto the fear as an excuse to prolong the moment.

Finally, I opened my mouth; my tongue and throat were drier than the sand on the beach.

"Shira," I began uncertainly, "I have something to tell you—

"Diego!" Sid ran up to us and hugged me around the neck. "Shira!" he reached out and she growled.

"Don't touch me, food prospect."

I chuckled.

"Anyway," Sid said in that nasal voice that I'd grown so familiar with over the years, "Manny and Ellie were getting kinda worried, so they sent me to look for you to make sure you guys were okay."

"Well, tell them we're being eaten by wild dogs," I told him sarcastically.

He started walking away.

"Hey, wait!" I clobbered him. "Don't tell them that!"

"But you just said—

"Don't you understand _sarcasm _you idiot?"

Sid said, "Well, that's not funny. You guys could've been hurt!"

Shira rolled her eyes. "But we're not."

"You guys don't need to worry," I said angrily. "We're saber-tooth tigers, not pretty little butterflies or ickle bunny rabbits! We're _not _defenseless!"

Sometimes it's hard to forget – and even harder to remember – my herd genuinely cares about me.


	3. Nightmares

**A/N: So, what do you guys think? You might hear more of Diego's family mentioned, but after awhile, he kind of explains some stuff to the reader about his father and...stuff ;-)**

* * *

I curled up beside the rest of the herd later that night and eventually fell asleep, only to have nightmares.

_I was stepping in front of Manny, growling…_

_Growling at him._

_The icicles were coming down._

_Heading straight for him._

"_I never wanted this!" I screamed, watching blood pouring out of his orange coat, so much like my own._

_It hurt watching him bleed; it made me feel like I was bleeding, too, so I looked away._

_I was torn between loyalty to my new herd and loyalty to my pack._

_I heard HIS voice speaking back to me. "What are you doing wasting your breath, Diego? They're defenseless, asleep! The trusting FOOLS!"_

"_That's my herd!"_

"_Your HERD? Nice to see you really cared about US! Really cared about ME!"_

"SHUT UP!" I roared loudly and angrily at thin air.

The voice in my head gave a chuckle; just the mocking laughter sickened me.

I bit my lip with my shorter front teeth and said, "I never wanted this to happen! Please…I just wanted…"

But I ran out of words and put my front paws over my head.

I stood and began running, my breath coming in short little gasps, my feet pounding on the woodland path.

If I had not been a saber, I would have given in to the tears that threatened to spill over; I had not even known sabers could cry.

God, I was losing my touch.

I wished I were made of stone.

I had never wished it before; I had always been made of stone and the times when I realized I wasn't, it was because of something small and nice, like a shiver running up my spine when Shira smiled at me.

I bet hanging around her is what triggered the nightmare.

In a way, she was right; being around her HAS gotten those feline juices flowing.

Just not in the way I want them to.

I wished so badly right then that I was made of stone.

If I was made of stone I couldn't feel anything and if I couldn't feel anything that meant I wouldn't be able to feel this awful ache inside me whenever I saw his…my father's…face.

But he's dead now! A voice inside my head screams. The cowardly voice, the part of me that was always slightly scared of him.

I don't care! I raged back at myself. He's still my father, frightening or not!

At last, I stopped running and stood in a clearing, gazing up at the full moon and twinkling stars mixed in that soft blanket of blue.

The night was colder than normal and a swift, icy breeze ruffled the fur on my face and caused a rather sweet, slightly spicy scent to waft past me.

Ordinarily, I would have caught the scent immediately, but I was distracted.

So there I stood, ankle-deep in snow, debating whether or not to turn and greet the intruder.

"Diego." Her haughty voice filled with concern now, sounded like a clap of thunder in this meadow.

"Shira." I nodded without turning. "A pleasure, as always. Go back to the rest of the herd."

She spoke quietly. "Why'd you leave?"

I didn't speak.

"Bad dreams?"

Still, I didn't speak, didn't reply.

She came and said, "Diego, c'mon. Come back with the rest of us."

I shook my head. "No thanks."

She sighed. "Fine. Have fun freezing your butt off. Night, you idiotic saber."

I whispered back, "Night, beautiful." But of course it was too quiet for her to hear.

Everything I ever want to say to her is never truly said out loud; just screamed as loudly as possible in my heart.


	4. A Talk With Ellie

**A/N: Please R&R! I need it! :-) Special thanks to my single reviewer!**

* * *

"_Diego!"_

"_Diego, attack them now!"_

"_Diego, you are worthless!"_

"_Diego, you are a disgrace to us proud sabers!"_

Those four things echoed in my mind long after I lay back down to sleep in the meadow.

My head ached and pounded and I moaned, opening my eyes reluctantly.

When I looked up at the sky, I saw it was pale pink; the sun was just starting to rise, so I have time to get back to the herd.

I didn't want them to know I was out all night.

I ran all the way there. There's nothing like wind whipping through your fur first thing in the morning.

It really wakes you up.

Anyway, I made it back to the herd and noticed they were all still asleep.

I settled down like I'd been there for hours and gave a yawn.

After a few minutes, though, I got restless and started preparing myself to run.

"Hey, mind if I join you?"

Startled, I glanced up to see Shira.

"Do whatever," I replied. "Knock yourself out."

She ran alongside me for awhile until the sun was fully up in the sky.

When we glanced up and noticed the sky was slowly turning from the pale yellows and pinks of sunrise to light blue, Shira slowed. "We should get back to the rest of the herd."

I nodded. "Maybe."

Then I added hesitantly, "Shira?"

"Yeah?"

We began walking back to the rest of the herd.

"Have you ever had something to say…but you just can't?"

She locked eyes with me. "Can't? That's a strong word. Can't means physically unable, you know."

I mumbled, "I know." I wasn't physically unable. I wasn't even emotionally unable.

Uh…forget that last part.

Sabers have no emotions; they're made of stone.

"So what's stopping you from saying…whatever it is you want to say?"

I hesitated again. "Uh…I don't really know." I shrugged and said quietly, "I guess it's because of how the other person might take it…and how well it went over last time I said it."

Shira nodded. "So you _can _say it, you just don't _want _to."

I nodded, biting my lip. "Something like that."

Then I suddenly lifted my head and said, "You know what? Forget I said anything. Let's go back to pretending I'm made of stone. We should go hunting later today."

We were now back at the place where the others were sleeping, still.

Shira stared at me for a second and then nodded. "Yes. Good idea. Otherwise, I swear I'm gonna eat the sloth."

I chuckled. "Oh, I'll help you."

In my heart of hearts, if you took away all the pride, I knew I'd sooner attack Shira than let her attack any members of my herd.

But I understood she was joking here and allowed myself to do it along with her.

Manny and Ellie came up behind us.

"Hey, guys!" Sid said, coming up to us, too.

Shira and I had stepped closer than was normal and now Sid backed off quickly. "Am I interrupting something?" He gave a suggestive wiggle of the eyebrows.

I resisted the urge to strangle him. "In her dreams." I backed quickly away from Shira, trying not to look like a ten-year-old boy who was terrified of getting cooties.

I was way too mature for that kind of worry.

"Oh, please," Shira scoffed at exactly the same time. "He wishes."

There was an awkward silence and Ellie said quietly, "Hey, Diego. Can I talk to you?"

"Yeah," I said and began walking away, leading her a little ways into the forest.

Unlike her dear husband, I understood when people wanted to have private conversations.

Ellie turned and faced me. "Ok. What's up with you?"

"What?" I asked.

"You've been acting weird ever since Shira came," Ellie said. "Which, I could chalk that up to saber hormones, which would ordinarily be a good thing since you always look really happy whenever you two are together. But…it's not just her, is it? C'mon, what's up? You've never acted this way before?"

"Maybe I'm just getting to know her," I snapped.

"And?"

"And nothing!"

"Fine. But Diego, just so you know, you've really been worrying me. Ok?"

I snapped, "I happen to be—

"A tough and macho saber-tooth tiger, I've got it," Ellie said, bored. "But just think about this, ok? There are people here – me, Manny, Sid, Crash, Eddie, Peaches, Louis, and, yes, Shira – who care about you. Take care of yourself, if for no other reason than for our sake. And talk to me if you ever need to."

I nodded.

She turned and began walking away.

"Ellie…" I called, then quickly shut my mouth.

She turned. "Yeah?"

"Nothing."


	5. Pull Myself Together

Later that day, Shira and I were going hunting.

I watched her bend close to the ground and growl softly, her ears going flat against her head.

I did the same and together, we jumped out on the three deer that were grazing carelessly nearby.

Two of them screamed and Shira managed to give the third something to think about.

I killed one and ran to intercept the third, but suddenly I heard a voice in my head murmuring, "Diego…Diego…"

"Kill her now. You don't have to hurt her, you know."

I was frozen, listening to the voice as the deer shot past me. "What?" I demanded of myself and the voice fell silent.

I stalked angrily back to the spot where Shira waited, watching me with annoyance and disapproval in her beautiful blue eyes. I could never kill her. Not even if the killing didn't involve hurting.

"How'd you let that last one get away?" she demanded. "I suppose it doesn't really matter, it's a pretty fine kill. Still, what happened? I thought you were wide open but you let her run right past you!"

"I don't know what came over me," I told her. "I guess I just allowed myself to get distracted. I'm sorry."

Her expression softened, but she quickly hardened it back up. "It won't do, tough guy," she gave me a quick, soft smile to let me know she was joking. "You better pull yourself together, or we starve."

Right. Pull myself together. Right.

* * *

We ate a little of the deer and the rest we left in a special little part of the forest where only we went.

I'm almost positive the only carnivores on this island are us, which maybe should make us feel awkward about eating dead things, but strangely enough, it doesn't.

At least I'm not the ONLY carnivore anymore. At least Shira's with me.

We walked back to the rest of the herd, trying to clean off our long, sharp teeth so Sid wouldn't see the blood and get freaked out.

Although watching a freaked-out Sid is pretty fun.

Anyway, when we got back to the others, Manny took one look at us and said, "Hunting?"

I nodded. "Yeah, there are some unknown herds."

"I hear the sloth makes for a pretty good meal," Shira added maliciously, eyeing Sid in pretend hunger.

Sid screamed and ran behind Manny.

"Oh, Sid, grow a spine," I snapped. "Besides, it's not like I'd let her hurt you."

Suddenly, I realized what I just said and added, "I mean, you're part of my herd. That's uh, normal. You have each other's backs in a herd."

At least it was only Manny staring me down, because only Manny was bright enough and knew me well enough to realize that this wasn't my normal behavior.

I rolled my eyes. "Looking at something?"

He backed off. "Hey, Diego…"

"Yeah?"

"Nothing. Never mind."

"Good."


	6. Running

**A/N: This one's short. It's purely for a little Diego angst.**

* * *

I was laying awake later that night when Manny's voice, barely above a whisper, floated over to me in the darkness. "Diego? You still awake?"

"Nope," I replied.

"Be serious."

I sighed. "What do you want?"

There was a silence.

"C'mon, Manny, do we have to do this? It's the middle of the night."

"And you're still awake."

I grunted.

I didn't want to talk, but it was clear Manny was going to make me anyway.

"What do you really want to talk about?" I demanded. "If you asked me if I was awake in the dead of night you must have a better topic of conversation than silence is golden."

Manny sighed. More silence. When he next spoke, he sounded very far away, like his mind was elsewhere. "Did you ever think about what happened to your pack after you left them?"

This did not sound like the subject he had set out to discuss.

It was a gateway subject.

I found I was almost entirely speechless; I had the ability to talk, but I didn't have any words to say.

Then he said, "Diego?" As if I had left him behind and he was still waiting for me to come back to him.

Then I said harshly, coolly, "No! I never thought about them! My family can ROT for all I care!"

And I shot off into the woods.

Only running takes away every bad thought, every little needle-like stab of pain. Only running can do that. It's so relieving.


	7. Not a Family

**A/N: Diego is a tad OOC here, but it fits with what he's gone through...and what he's gone through is to be explained in Chapter 8, and it explains why he gets so angry...just read before I spoil it! LOL**

* * *

I didn't sleep at all that night.

I knew I wouldn't be able to, so I didn't even lay down.

The moon had waned again and tonight there was no moon at all.

Barely even any stars were out.

I walked alone all night long through a frozen, dark wasteland that never seemed to end.

Tree branches creaked in the wind that brought the smell of pine needles to me.

Snow and pinecones alike crunched beneath my paws as I walked, searching, but for what, I didn't know.

When I got back, every single member of the herd – with the exception of Crash and Eddie, who were still asleep – was up waiting for me.

And they did NOT look happy.

I stumbled out of the woods. "Whoa-ho," I said. "What's up, guys?"

There was a silence as they all exchanged looks. Even Sid appeared to be in the loop, for once.

"Diego, we were worried SICK about you!" Ellie said, half-angry, half relieved.

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, I was attacked by a half-starved bear and barely escaped with my life. Does no one get that I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself?"

Shira softened. "He's right, guys," she pointed out.

Ellie, however, did not look appeased.

Neither, for that matter, did Manny. "It doesn't matter that you can 'take care of yourself' Diego!" he said. "It's time for you to start thinking of others besides yourself. You know, we were worried! Not because we thought you were defenseless or incapable of taking care of yourself, but because that's what you do in a herd. You don't just have each other's backs. You worry about each other. That's what you do for a family."

Family. That word was ancient and unfamiliar to me now, scarred over. Broken, torn. Ripped apart, frayed, coming apart at the seams.

That was what the word 'family' meant to me now.

I didn't have a family anymore. Sid, Manny, Ellie, Crash, Eddie, Peaches, Louis, Shira…those guys weren't my FAMILY.

They were my HERD! Big difference.

I didn't want another family after the complete wreck my first had been.

"WE ARE NOT!" I roared so loudly that I woke Crash and Eddie. "Family? Family? No, that's not what we are! We don't count as a family! Maybe Ellie, Manny and Peaches – maybe YOU GUYS are a family, but the rest of us? No, we're not, ok?"

I turned away from them.

There was a silence.

"Maybe I should go back to my pack," I said bitterly. "At least then I wouldn't risk them springing that kind of thing on me again. You aren't my family. None of you."

I regretted the words the instant I said them and as I glanced back, I wanted so badly to say, "No, wait, I didn't mean it!"

But I saw the look in Sid's eyes, the way his furry little shoulders slumped.

I saw the way Shira drew back, as though shocked I would say something like that.

I saw the uncertainty in Peaches' eyes, the hurt in Manny's and Ellie's, even if they were trying to hide it.

And I understood I could not take it back.


	8. Sid

**A/N: Ok, ok, I've got some explaining to do. First, Diego had started walking away from the herd and was in the forest at this time. I don't know if I made that clear...**

**Second, this IS NOT THE CHAPTER in which Diego's flip-out is explained. That will be chapter 9. There was a slight mix-up in the chapters and so you will have to wait. However, Chapter 9 is already written and typed up, so all I have to do is put some finishing touches on it and it will be up soon! Thanks for your patience and thanks for the reviews!**

* * *

I swallowed and considered turning back to the herd until I heard a panting voice say feebly, "Diego, wait up!"

I tensed. How did this intruder know my name? I opened my mouth to roar, then shut it again.

I knew that voice.

Sid ran up to me and said, "You can't just leave us!"

"What?"

"You can't just leave us! What will Peaches do without her Uncle Diego?"

I said quietly, "She'll learn to live without him, Sid."

"But what will Manny and Ellie do without you?"

"They have each other."

"What will _she _do without you?"

"What? Who?"

"What will Shira do without you?"

There was a moment of silence. "Sorry, Sid," I told him. "You guys will figure it out."

Sid stood there for a second longer.

"We're a herd! A family! Or…we're supposed to be…"

"They wouldn't take me back anyway," I said quietly. "Go on, Sid."

And he walked away, back to the family that was not mine, would never be mine.

The family I would never be part of was right behind me.

I could choose to go back right then and there. But I'd made my place clear.

I'd thrown everything the herd thought they knew about me into the fire and I deserved to stand back and watch it burn with the rest of them.


	9. So Now You Know

**A/N: :D I bet you guys aren't even going to READ this, so I'll be brief: Thanks for the reviews, guys! You guys rock! And wow, I hit over 1,000 views! I didn't expect that...there aren't a whole lot of Ice Age nerds on FF :/ Well, read on!**

* * *

I was on my own, walking through the woods, which were white with snow all over.

I thought regretfully of the hurt looks on the faces of my herd when I'd said those awful words, "You're not my family."

And what made them the most awful of all is that they were true.

* * *

Ok, reader. Since you've stuck with me through this little tale of angst so long, I guess I'll tell _you _– no one else, just you – why the idea of having a family upsets me so much.

Because my last family? A complete and total train wreck.

My father hated my guts, my mother died when I was five, and my brother…well, there was something mentally wrong with him.

If I were to try and call the herd 'family' I just know it would fall apart. Because every time I tried to call that last mess a 'family' something would happen to make it a little smaller. We'd lose on member of the family until finally it was just me left.

That will happen again. I just KNOW it. I screwed everything up in my last family. I'm NOT doing it this time, because I'm not even going to call it a family.

So now you know.

My mother went out one day to hunt and she never came back.

I was five, young for a saber, but I remember every second of that day.

_My mother's rust-colored coat, close to mine and my father's._

"_I'll see you later, Diego," she said with a smile. "I love you, honey."_

_I was only five; I didn't have any real need yet to be the tough macho tiger I'd need to be when I grew up, so I didn't discourage her from telling me this._

_I nodded and said, "Mom, when can I go join the hunt?"_

_She laughed. "When you're older, Diego! You're too young right now! You could get hurt!"_

"_I'm supposed to be a saber-tooth tiger," I grumbled. "How can I join the other kids if I can't hunt? THEY can."_

"_They're older than you are."_

"_The oldest one there is nine!"_

"_Exactly. And at six, you'll learn to hunt. Just give it time."_

_I rolled my eyes. "Sure, Mom. Whatever."_

_She began walking out of the cave. _

_And we never saw her again._

* * *

"_Diego, stand up straight!" My father snarled._

_I stood to attention; it had been five years since Mom died, and her death had not softened him in the least. If anything, it had hardened something inside of my father, some deep and irreparable vein in his heart that instead of pumping blood, pumped compassion._

_Or it was supposed to, but it didn't._

_Or it didn't seem like it._

"_Now go out with the other kids," Dad said, softening just enough._

_I nodded and ran outside, tripped over my front paws and skidded down the snow-covered hill._

_One of the female sabers who was a couple years older than me stopped by. "Smooth move, clown," she snickered._

_I jumped up and ran off to the forest to explore by myself; to be honest the sabers in my age group scared me a little. They were so much bigger and stronger._

* * *

"_I want that baby, Diego!" My father snarled at me. But I never called him that after our pack diminished and he became the leader._

_I called him by his name: Soto. Because he wasn't my father._

_I nodded. _

"_Alive," he hissed._

_It never made me sympathetic for the smaller creatures he tortured and maimed._

_Let him get his jollies in doing that; it was better than him turning on one of us._

_I'd learned in the past six years that showing emotion earns you nothing but trouble._

_Just keep calm, stay expressionless, impassive._

_In the pack, if you felt emotion, you were a weakling._

_I still remember the day Soto said that to me…_

"_I want that baby, Diego…"_

_I wanted so badly to talk to him that day, to ask him, 'how could you?' How could he treat me that way? I was his son! Didn't I deserve better?_

"_Don't you love me, Dad?" I wanted to say. _

But I didn't just want to say that. I also wanted to hear him reply with a swift, "Of course, I do!"

I wanted no hesitancy from him on that score.

Tell anyone this and I will eat you for breakfast with a nice side salad, but I wanted a _family._

I remembered Soto all those years ago…

"_Diego," he said quietly, "Diego, son…I love you."_

_I smiled. The words I'd wanted to hear from him for so long seemed so simple now. "I love you, too, Dad!"_

But he hadn't meant it. He'd never meant it at all.

It's hard to remind myself he's still the same saber who told me he loved me, because he's also the same saber who approached me, growling, and said, "Fine. I'll take you down first."

_I swallowed and got ready to fight my own father._

_He was the strongest saber in the pack and I didn't expect to survive._

_But if I died trying to protect Manny, Sid, and the baby, I would be content._

_All that talk of cats having 9 lives is bull-crap. I would not magically come alive if he killed me._

_I understood that._

_But Manny, Sid and the baby stood no chance if I backed down._

_So I stood my ground, not because I was brave but because I believe when you have found something rare and precious, you should go out of your way to protect it._

Not only was that amazing human life inside that tiny baby's body one of the most precious things I have ever glimpsed, but the friendship I shared with Manny and Sid became the most important thing in my life.

I would have protected them with my very life and sacrificed myself without a second thought.

Now, tell anyone that and I really WILL eat you for breakfast.

There would be lots of chewing involved.

And first I would disembowel you and slit your spleen.

Look, the point is, don't think that just because I haven't yet devoured Sid means I'm going soft.

_I got ready to face off with my father_

_We roared and we began circling each other._

_The other sabers backed off, realizing this was our fight and we could handle ourselves._

_Zeke, my younger brother, moaned, caught between loyalty to me and loyalty to Soto. I lost him a few years ago when he lost his mind. He can hardly think straight sometimes and he can't follow conversations very well._

_I prayed he would choose Soto instead. I would miss him, but betraying his pack would get him nothing but slow, painful death._

_Soto growled. I heard the words in it. "Worthless. I always knew you'd betray me."_

_I tuned him out._

"_Fickle."_

_I ignored him and we both growled._

"_I will teach you a lesson on loyalty and make you wish you were never born!" he roared._

"_Hard to if you're dead!"_

"_How dare you say such things!"_

_I spoke in a growl, making sure that was all Manny heard. I was sparing him the family feud. "Look around you, Soto. Half your pack is dead. The other half is hardly loyal to you. I'm not wasting my time with a father I can't even trust!"_

"_TRUST!" He bellowed angrily. "Who cares about trust?"_

"_Get out of here," I told him. "Or I'm going to kill you."_

_Most tigers fight their fathers a lot, to practice and get a feel for each other's strengths and weaknesses._

_But Soto and I had never had a one-on-one practice fight before…_

_If we ever DID get into a fight, I knew it would not be practice._

_I knew I would die._

_My heart pounded, screaming at me to run._

_But I would not._

_I would not leave Manny, alone and unprotected, or the baby, or heck, even that irritating little sloth._

_I faced one of the only two family members I had left now and thought longingly of a real family. Could I have that again? With the mammoth and the sloth?_

_Of course not, Diego! A voice in my head snarled at me. Your own flesh-and-blood family cares nothing for you._

_Why should those two mammals?_

_I shoved that voice out of my head for the time being, mostly cuz I had no answer._

_I focused on the fight with Soto. _

_I charged._

_He did, too, at the exact same time I did. _

_His claws met my side and pain, pain, pain for a fraction of a second before everything went black._

_I was in a world of darkness._

_A world of deep, deep darkness; the sky was utterly pitch-black._

_I guess I'd hoped for a more peaceful death, but I knew I didn't deserve it._

_I'd done one freaking good thing, which barely even counted._

_The blurry faces of the mammoth and the sloth hovered over me, twisted with worry and fear and, as the time passed, a dull hopelessness._

_I wanted to apologize for all the stuff I'd done to them._

_The baby toddled over to me and began rubbing my nose with his tiny baby hands._

"_Hey, knock it off, Squirt," I said weakly._

_I used up the last of my strength to tell Manny and Sid to go on without me. I was never getting up._

_It tore at my heart every second that they walked away, but they needed to._

_I thought of Soto and anxiously raised my head. What had happened to him?_

_There my father lay, dried blood matting his orange fur and icicles dotted the space around him._

_The snow surrounding him was pale pink with blood._

_A single icicle spike protruded from deep out of his furry back._

* * *

I was walking through the woods, my eyes dark with remembering. It really was a miracle I'd survived at all.

And such joy Sid and Manny had expressed when they found out…no one had ever been that happy to see me, I thought.

Then I remembered Soto.

He hadn't meant 'I love you' at all. The first, last and only person to ever tell me it and secretly he hated me.

He would've torn me to bits.

All in all, I was not sorry. Like I'd told Shira a few months ago, I'd traded in my pack for a herd.

We had each other's backs, we looked out for each other, we were…we were…family.

Could we be? Could we be family at all?

* * *

**A/N: AAAAAAAAAnd, now you know. Not exactly the BEST idea for why Diego freaked out, but I've been steadily working up a backstory for him ever since I saw the FIRST Ice Age. Now that he got a love interest, I saw now was the time to act and put my ideas on paper :-) I hope you guys all understood exactly why Diego freaked out, cuz I can't really explain it.**

**I guess he was kind of...well, not traumatized, exactly, but the things Soto did that he never actually hit on, but hinted at in this chapter really did a number on him, which is why he's scared of the idea of 'family' again.**

**I think it falls short of what you guys expected, but... :-P Sorry**


	10. Don't Leave, Diego

**A/N: So, after that EVENTFUL last chapter, here's a taste of what Diego felt after all that remembering and how the herd felt when they heard what Diego said to Sid *sniff* *sniff* **

**Lol. Anyway, now that that's out of the way, this is the second-to-last chapter, because everything wraps up pretty well in Chapter 11, which I'm already finished with. (Forgive me - whenever I see a new movie or read a new book I really like, I am prone to long rants about where the author/script writer/characters went wrong, what they did right and often write fanfictions for the book/movie in great bursts of inspiration. The day I saw Ice Age 4, I wrote almost four chapters.)**

* * *

Family.

I forced myself to wrap my mind around the word.

Could we be? Could _I _be?

Could I trust that deeply again, could I say the words 'I love you' to them the same way I'd once spoken them to Soto?

Could I tell them I didn't mean it? Could I tell them we really were family?

"Sid!" I called. "Sid, wait!" I turned back, looking for him but he was gone.

For the first time in my life since joining the herd, I was alone.

Totally alone. Cut off from the rest of the world.

Isolated.

I swallowed. Hadn't I asked for this? Hadn't I asked for isolation?

I was just getting what I deserved.

A sudden gust of wind blew through, and several snowflakes fell. There was going to be a blizzard tonight.

* * *

**(Ellie's POV)**

Sid came back to us with his head hung low and his shoulders slumped.

He wiped his nose miserably with one finger and said quietly, "He doesn't want anything to do with us, guys."

Shira was gnawing at her lip and Peaches looked saddened.

I patted my daughter's head with my trunk. "This is Diego. He'll come around. I'm sure he will."

"How can he not want anything to do with us?" Sid demanded partly of Shira, but mostly of thin air. "I mean, we survived taking a baby back to his tribe! We survived the ice melting! We survived dinosaurs and who knows what other things down there in the Jungle of Misery, the Chasm of Death and the Plates of Woe! We survived a breaking-up of the continents! We even survived the birth of little Peaches! And we all did it TOGETHER! How can we not want anything to do with us? At all?"

I came over to him and patted him on the back with my trunk. "There, there, Sid. Didn't you hear what I was just saying to Peaches? This isn't like Diego – he'll come around."

* * *

About two hours later, a snowstorm hit.

It came on so suddenly none of us saw it coming.

We stayed huddled up in caves, watching the snowflakes fall.

It made Sid dizzy after awhile and he turned away.

Manny and I curled up to go to sleep in one of the caves and I forced my brothers to, too.

If we tried sleeping in the trees tonight, we'd become possum and mammoth-cicles.

As Manny and I watched the snow fall, I was about to drift off to sleep when suddenly I sat up, opened my eyes and turned to my husband. "You know, I just thought of something," I said uneasily. "What about Diego? What if he's out there in that storm?"

"He'll be okay," Manny assured me, but his tone was black; he clearly didn't believe it, either.

I nodded, not at all comforted.

Yet what could we do? The most we could hope for was that it would blow over soon.

Going out in this would be suicidal, even if we were searching for our lost friend.


	11. Family

**A/N: THE END! :O Good? Bad? Terrible...? Gah! Well, either way, if any of you Ice Age fans are also How to Train Your Dragon nerds, you'll see me again soon! I'm working on a new story for *that*. Meanwhile, ideas for other Ice Age stories dance in my head. (Mostly DiegoxShira...either way, I'll try to write something more for this fandom again soon!) Thanks for all the support!**

* * *

I hunkered down to wait out the storm, even though everything in me wanted to rush back to the herd.

Would they even want me? I wondered nervously.

I waited out the storm in a state of impatience and about ten minutes after the snow stopped, I was out there, only to go right back in.

Two seconds out there and icicles had already begun to form on my nine-inch-long fangs.

I chipped them off and lay back down, praying the cold would abate soon.

If I tried running back to them in this, I'd soon become a frozen statue for this forest.

A glorious statue, a ruggedly handsome statue, but still, it's difficult to get back to your herd when you are currently frozen in a forest somewhere.

When the cold finally subsided enough, I raced back to the rest of the herd as fast as I could.

Maybe the word 'family' had gone wrong once…but that didn't mean it had to go wrong again.

* * *

When I got to the rest of the herd, I stopped, feeling something akin to panic. What if they were still mad?

I stepped slowly out of my hiding place to see Ellie stepping out of a cave, stretching her trunk and back and Manny stepped out after her.

I swallowed.

I had to do it.

The mammoths hadn't yet noticed me, so I stepped directly in front of Manny, met his eye and said, "I'm sorry."

Silence.

Complete silence as they both stared at me.

I swallowed again and opened my mouth to continue.

"It's okay, Diego," Ellie said softly and put her trunk over my back like she was hugging me with it. "It's ok."

I wanted to protest, I wanted to tell her it was _not _ok and that I was sorry, and that no matter how much the idea of family upset me, I should have been calmer in the way that I told her this.

Manny stared at me as Ellie withdrew her trunk. Then she smacked me upside the head.

"Ouch!" I exclaimed. "What the heck was THAT for?"

She smiled. "Bringing you to your senses." Then she stepped back, out of earshot of Manny and me.

I think she sensed Manny had something to ask me.

Manny just stared at me for a second, then said quietly, "How could you?"

I swallowed. "I'm sorry. If…if you don't want me back in the herd—

"We want you back," Manny said. "I'm just wondering…how could you?"

I swallowed. I had a reason for why I could, but I still should not have done it, and I knew that.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly and Manny said, "Diego, we forgive y—

"DIEGO!" Sid cried and hugged me around the neck tightly.

"Don't make me claw you to shreds," I said, without any real threat in my voice. I am not a hugger, but I was letting it pass just this once.

Shira stepped over, looked at Sid clinging onto me, raised an eyebrow and said simply, "So you're back."

"Yes."

I hesitated. "Can I talk to you? Alone?"

We walked a little ways away from Manny, Sid, and Ellie, all three of whom respectfully walked away until they were out of earshot, though it was clear Sid wanted to stick around and watch the show.

I swallowed. "Shira, for one thing, I'm so, so sorry about the things I sai—

She leaned up and kissed my cheek. "I love you, too, kitty."

"How did you know I was trying to say that?" I demanded of her accusingly, my head reeling from the kiss.

She grinned. "Who says the guy has to be the first one to speak? Particularly when he makes a royal mess of it?"

I blushed. "Shut up."

She grinned. "So? What were you saying before I interrupted you?"

I cleared my throat. "I…well…I…" I'd lost my train of thought, so I just concluded, sounding lost, "I love you, Shira."

The words were still difficult to say, but _I'd said them._

That was the important thing here.

"Why didn't you ever tell me how you felt before?"

"Uh…well…" here I hesitated.

She lay down, getting comfortable and looked expectantly at me. "It looks like we've got a lot to talk about…"

**THE END **


End file.
